Of all the fruity drinks I imbibed as a youngster, Five Alive was by far my favorite. It was similar to orange juice, but with a berry kick.
Tang blew chunks. Who the hell wanted to be an astronaut anyway? It was so 1970s.
Capri Sun left a nasty aftertaste, especially the orange flavor.
Sunny Delight should have been sold in a gasoline can. It had the consistency of paint and tasted like ground up Flintstones vitamins. Basically, it was shit. Those annoying commercials featuring a kitchen full of kiddies representing all races and creeds didn’t help sell me on it, either. Like this one:
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Ugh. If only life was as simple as a Sunny D ad.
Time to talk Fantasy pigskin. Here are the Week 1 Five Alive according to Stud Running Back: (We skip the obvious names, because AP destroying the Browns and Fitzy skewering the 49ers are givens.)
5) Carson Palmer – The Broncos have issues and not just on offense. Palmer appears recovered from the elbow difficulties that plagued him a year ago. With a trio of excellent pass catchers at his disposal, look for him to air it out in front of the home crowd. 285 yards and 2 TDs sounds about right.
4) Lance Moore – The Saints like to throw the ball. Sean Payton and Drew Brees would probably prefer to chuck it on every down. Unfortunately, they have to justify spending the #2 overall pick on a 5’10” Band-Aid named Reggie Bush by handing him the ball for 10 or 12 two-yard runs per game. Nevertheless, Lance will hang a 100 and a touch on the hapless Lions.
3) T.J. Houshmandzadeh – The Seahawks did themselves a huge favor by signing the reliable Housh. With broken down wideouts like Nate Burelson and Deion Branch stealing cash by the minute, T.J. will be the chief benefactor. His debut with the Hawks will go swimmingly. Expect eight or nine grabs with a trip for six.
2) Greg Olsen – Jay Cutler’s new best friend, at least on the field. Olsen will be a top 5 tight end in 2009 and he’ll kick things off right versus the Pack. The Green Bay linebackers are still learning the ins-and-outs of the 3-4 alignment, which will enable Olsen to feast on them. I foresee 75+ yards and a touchdown.
1) Ronnie Brown – Wildcat Ronnie should be more of a runner this season. He is now over 18 months removed from a torn ACL, which means his quickness is back. The Falcons D is a sham. Brown will torch them on the ground and through the air. 120 total yards and a score is within reach.
Good luck this weekend. You’ll need it.