Five Card Stud – Week 6


Now that balloon boy is safe and sound, we can all get on with our mundane lives. Here’s hoping that lil’ Falcon and his lying sack of shit parents milk their latest fabricated media stunt as long as humanly possible. Personally, I can’t get enough of watching the dopey tyke vomiting on national television. I hear he will be puking all over Wolf Blitzer and the “Situation Room” later today. I can’t wait.

I’m on a roll. Last week I nailed Tony Romo. Whoa, that sounded totally gay. He’s dreamy and all, but anyone associated with the Cowboys is persona non grata in my book. I did predict he would have a huge game, and he didn’t disappoint. 351 yards and a pair of TD tosses is fine and dandy. Who will this week’s mystery stud be? Inquiring minds want to know.

5) Bernard Berrian – Berny has done squat this season. Well, it’s time for a breakout. The Ravens pass defense is a tad suspect, ranking 26th in the league. Look for a Berrian bonanza: six grabs for 108 yards and a touch.

4) Willie Parker – Parker has been banged up and underwhelming. With Mendenhall on his death bed with the swine flu, expect a big game for Willie. Browns rank dead last versus run: 92 yards rushing and a sixer.

3) Kyle Orton – The neckbeard is killin’ it in Colorado. No reason to believe he can’t continue his winning ways versus classy San Diego: 308 yards passing and three TDs.

2) John Carlson – JC has been held without a TD since week one. The Cards pass defense is the worst in the NFL. Carlson is due for another stellar performance: five catches for 86 yards and a trip six.

1) DeAngelo Williams – Yet another dud in need of an awakening. The Bucs are a woeful team. Williams snaps out of his funk and delivers his first 100-yard game this season: 112 yards rushing and a pair of scores.

Throughout my travels across the Interwebs, I am exposed to a plethora of amazing videos. Believe it or not, some of these vids have nothing to do with porn. Here’s one of my faves. The group is Band of Horses, the song is “The Funeral” and the rider is Danny MacAskill.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

May your weekend fantasy wishes come true. Stud out.

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