Crying Over Spilt Jack Daniels

Before the Stud makes his triumphant return to penning the most badass and brilliant fantasy football commentary for the 2011 season, he’s going to lament what could’ve been in 2010. Why? Because he didn’t have this forum to do so after the smoke cleared and Brad (really?) captured the Gulfman Memorial League title.

Ya see, the Stud had perhaps the greatest fantasy team in the history of this fine league NOT to make the playoffs. Savage Animal scored 59 more points than the eventual champions and led all other squads by over 150 points. They had the second-leading scorer at quarterback, Michael Vick, and the number one scoring running back, Arian Foster, whose 317 total points was 83 higher than the number two back, Adrian Peterson.

They also had the sixth, 13th and 15th ranked running backs, Chris Johnson, Ahmad Bradshaw and BenJarvus Green-Ellis, respectively. Not to be outdone, the receiving corps included DeSean Jackson and Mike Williams (Tampa), who finished 14th and 11th in the final rankings.

Oh, Stud ain’t done. Footie Josh Brown tied for third most in points with 138 and backup signal caller Joe Flacco was 13th among all quarterbacks.

So, what the #$%& went wrong? Allow Stud to explain.

1) Second-round pick Randy Moss faceplanted. Stud should’ve learned his lesson the last time he drafted Moss — 2002, the year he scored only seven touchdowns. In a league that starts three wideouts, it’s critical to roll out three good ones every week (more on that later). D-Jax and Mike Williams South were solid, but the inability to find a reliable number three proved costly.

2) Number two overall pick Chris Johnson posted less than seven points six times, including a Week 12 goose egg that sealed Stud’s fate. That’s the price of having a player like CJ2K on the roster. It’s tough to bench him because he could go off on Any Given Sunday (awful movie).

3) Like CJ, DeSean Jackson is a feast or famine player. When he’s good, he’s awesome: games of 19, 21, 19, 18, 15 and 27 points. When he’s bad, he’s downright terrible: games of 3, 1, 2, 5, 2, 8, 5 and 3 points. By comparison, Calvin Johnson — who Stud should’ve drafted instead of Moss — had ten games of double-digit points and netted less than six points only five times.

4) The Titans D/ST started off strong, but faded late. In Week 11, they posted 11 points. From Weeks 12-17 they totaled a pathetic 14. It might not seem like a big deal, but when you lose by one point in Weeks 12 and 13, every little sack and interception counts.

5) Gotta have three good pass catchers. The reason Brad (really?) won the strap wasn’t because he had Peyton Manning, Matt Forte and Darren McFadden. They obviously helped, but the trio of Greg Jennings, Stevie Johnson and Hakeem Nicks made the difference (as did Austin Collie before he got his brains scrambled). Those three studs all finished in the Top 10 among wide receivers. Case closed.

Rant over.

Welcome to the 2011 fantasy football season.

1 thought on “Crying Over Spilt Jack Daniels

  1. IT’S ABOUT TIME! I really feel for you, ranting about what could have been. Let’s both look forward to what will be … Negotiators Domination! Yes, we too have had bad dratfs in the past, but a new stratagy has been formulated and we can’t wait for Tuesday. Glad we’re staying where we are, familiarity breeds contempt, and all that stuff. Don’t bother with a post draft evaluation, it won’t be necessary since we all know you’ll be crying again about what could have been.

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