Forget all that came before. There are three weeks remaining until the fantasy playoffs begin. Thin at a certain position? Better find a warm body. Sick of holding onto draft day dead weight? Dump their asses. Have eyes for another team’s player? Pull the trigger on a trade.
The clock is ticking.
On to the Week 11 recap.
Seven combined picks. Two humiliating defeats. Priceless.
The Redskins are an abomination
First of all, that winter hat/hoody combo is fantastic. I need one now. What isn’t fantastic is everything else to do with the Washington, ahem, football team. RG III makes an innocuous platitude about needing 11 guys to win. Then alleged head coach Jay Gruden blasts his alleged franchise quarterback for suggesting that the entire roster is rotting garbage. OH NO! DISTRACTIONS!!
Allow me to sum up this mess. RG III stinks. DeSean Jackson is the voice of reason. Jay Gruden is in way over his head. Daniel Snyder is a shitty owner. The Redskins are a dysfunctional franchise. Which is why they are 6-20 since the start of 2013. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.
- Aaron Rodgers hasn’t thrown an interception at Lambeau Field since Week 13 of the 2012 season.
- Randall Cobb has caught 54 of his 74 targets for 10 touchdowns. To put that efficiency in perspective, Jeremy Maclin has caught 58 of 102 targets for 9 scores. Demaryius Thomas has caught 72 of 111 targets for 6 scores. Point is, Aaron Rodgers is really, really accurate.
- Since 2011, nine different Patriots running backs have carried the ball. This includes five in 2014. Don’t get too excited about Jonas Gray.
- Tim Wright has caught 18 of his 20 targets for four touchdowns. Daniel Fells has caught all 10 of his targets for four touchdowns.
- The Eagles have scored 9 D/ST touchdowns in ten games. The Raiders have scored 17 total touchdowns in ten games.
Last chance, dick
With Ahmad Bradshaw done for the season with his annual broken bone, Trent Richardson and his hefty 3.3 career yards per carry average gets one final shot to prove he’s not a useless tub of guts. What could possibly go wrong?
Ya know who’s back
As the late great Nate Dogg once said: “Smoke weed everyday.”
Run ’em into the ground
37. 36. 33. 29. Those are the amount of carries Jonas Gray, Alfred Blue, Le’Veon Bell, and Tre Mason received on Sunday. And guess what? All four of their teams won, including St. Louis shocking Denver. The snow is beginning to fly. Time to lean on the ground attack.
Week 11 Golden Nutsack Award: Kentucky Glue Factory
Two words: Mike Evans. He’s a rookie. He’s on the horrid Bucs. His quarterbacks are Josh McCown and Mike Glennon. He plays opposite the proven Vinnie Jackson. And yet this young stud ranks 10th among all wide receivers in yards, and he’s been unstoppable for three straight weeks. As such, the Glue Factory sniffs the sack this week.
Prerequisite Eye Candy
Week 12 Fearless Forecasting
Last week’s pick Greg Jennings got hurt because he’s Greg Jennings. My bad. Time to redeem myself yet again. The envelope, please:
Cecil Shorts: 105 yards, 1 TD
I dunno. Blake Bortles has to throw it to someone when the Jags are down by three touchdowns in the second half.
Stud Running Back will return…