Week 12 Fantasy Recap: Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Every fantasy football season, players emerge from nowhere to help fake owners seize fake glory. Few if any of the experts/pundits see these guys coming, but their importance to bringing home the ultimate prize can’t be overlooked. Here are a few of these found treasures and how they stack up against so-called studs drafted way ahead of them.

  • A) 859 yards rushing, 3 TDs
  • B) 903 yards rushing, 7 TDs

Player A is LeSean McCoy, the number one overall pick. Player B is Justin Forsett, who went undrafted. Forsett is this year’s answer to 2013 Knowshon Moreno. Both backs went from third-string to starter by staying healthy and being flat out better than everyone else.

  • A) 645 yards rushing, 6 TDs in 8 games
  • B) 681 yards rushing, 2 TDs in 11 games

Player A is former ‘Bama bust Mark Ingram, drafted in the 10th round. Player B is Frank Gore, the last pick in the 3rd round. The Saints backfield is beginning to get crowded again, but Ingram has been money more weeks than not. Gore is running out of gas and losing carries to Carlos Hyde.

  • A) 49 catches, 841 yards, 8 TDs
  • B) 52 catches, 618 yards, 8 TDs

Player A is rookie Mike Evans, nabbed in the 9th round. Player B is Brandon Marshall, selected 23rd overall. When Glue Factory swapped Alshon Jeffery and Lorenzo Taliaferro for Lamar Miller and Evans, I thought Evans was a throwaway piece. I was dead wrong.

  • A) 61 catches, 641 yards, 2 TDs
  • B) 50 catches, 635 yards, 6 TDs

Player A is Keenan Allen, taken 24th overall. Player B is rookie Jordan Matthews, the 11th pick in the 10th round. Allen was last year’s lone rookie wideout to become an every week starter. Matthews is one of about ten rookie receivers from the 2014 class to squeeze his way into lineups.

On to the Week 12 recap.

Aaron Rodgers ‘Crushes’ everything

rodgers-crushNFL record books. Cornerbacks’ souls. Insurance commercials. Olivia Munn. Grape soda. Aaron Rodgers isn’t a player, he just crushes a lot.

Daniel Thomas scored a touchdown?

I honestly thought Thomas was run out of the league in 2012.

Superhero loses his cape

NFL: Washington Redskins at San Francisco 49ersFor the second time in the last two years, Robert Griffin III has been benched. Chalk it up to poor health, poor play, or a combination of the two. Whatever the reasons, RG III’s reign as Washington’s savior is over. Jay Gruden is a first-rate moron, but suggesting that Colt McCoy gives the ‘Skins a better chance of winning isn’t a completely wackadoo notion. I for one find this whole kerfuffle all kinds of exciting. My dream of RG III overthrowing Percy Harvin because he ran a shitty route as the Jets are being pummeled 42-3 is one step closer to fruition.

Mr. Unappreciated

Did you know that Anquan Boldin is tied for 15th on the all-time receptions list with 922? That’s more grabs than Hall of Famers Steve Largent, Shannon Sharpe, James Lofton, Michael Irvin, and Charlie Joyner. Despite playing with marginal quarterbacks for the majority of his career, Boldin has done nothing but produce. It’s time we gave him his due.

Meet Fantasy Football’s Lord Voldemort

Remember Jonas Gray? Neither does Bill Belichick. A week after Gray rushed for 201 yards and four scores against the Colts, he received nary a carry on Sunday. Instead, LeGarrette Blount rumbled for 78 yards and a pair of touchdowns. The same Blount cut by the Steelers five days earlier for basically being a whiny dick. Belichick don’t care. He’ll take a childish malcontent over an oversleeper and a chronic fumbler any day.

Catch it like Beckham

beckhamThis snag was so good, ODB might get himself a coveted ESPY for Greatest Play by a Stud Rookie on a Shitty Team That Finds New and Creative Ways to Choke Away Games.

Playoff Scenarios

playoffsIt’s that time, boys and girl. Let’s spin the ol’ playoff wheel and see where it lands.

In – Character Assassins (10-2)

Looking good – Skinny Petes (8-4), Blind Monkeys (8-4)

In the hunt – All four are 7-5: Glue Factory, Lame Excuses, Negotiators, Weiner Dogs

Need mucho ayuda – Beasts (5-7), He-Rain (5-7)

LOL – Copperpots (2-10), Crab (3-9), Talkers (3-9)

Petes and Monkeys meet in Week 14, which is A) awesome, and B) huge in deciding who will qualify for the postseason. Loser could be doneski, particularly if one of the 7-5 teams wins out. Regardless, da Monkeys look like the team to beat, having won six straight and topped 100-plus points in four of five.

And how about the number one pick finishing in the dumper? That rarely happens. Take a collective bow, LeSean, Keenan, Vinnie, Zac, and Pierre.

Week 12 Golden Nutsack Award: Furry Beasts

nutsack2Oooooh, I love it when a backfield curb stomps a defense. The duo of Justin Forsett and Eddie Lacy combined for 56.8 points to help the Furry ones bitch slap Skinny Pete into a blue meth haze, and in turn keep their super slim playoff hopes alive. That’s nutsack material, plain and simple.

Prerequisite Eye Candy

candy-12For fans of the ladies.

cake-12For fans of the beefcake.

Week 13 Fearless Forecasting


Sheesh, I suck at this. Welp, I’m digging deep into those convoluted DVOA stats for this pick. The envelope, please:

Eddie Royal: 84 yards, 1 TD

The Ravens are especially vulnerable to No. 2 and No. 3 receivers, so I’m going with the king of fantasy trolls to have one of his out-of-left-field big weeks.


Happy Thanksgiving. Stud Running Back will return…

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