Our Long National Nightmare is Finally Over

nightmare-overTom Brady is free! Tom Brady is free! Tom Brady is free! Hallelujah! The prospect of not having Golden Boy on the field for four long weeks was frightening, nay, horrifying. There is no way I could realistically fulfill my duties as a sarcastic football blogger with the NFL’s matinee idol suspended. Thanks to Judge Richard M. Berman, I won’t have to. I’m of the belief that this landmark court decision should make Judge Berman eligible for induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, or at the very least canonized for sainthood.


NFL Preseason Week 3 in GIF Form


I think we can all agree that the NFL Preseason is a complete waste of time filled with laughable overreactions and devastating injuries. However, I’m equally convinced that everyone loves a good NFL GIF. Me, you, that creepy guy at work who stares blankly at the wall while eating a tuna fish sandwich, cannibals of New Guinea, everybody!

Here are a few GIFs from Week 3 of the Preseason to satisfy your hunger.

wk3-odellODB up to his old tricks. Too bad he was out-of-bounds.

wk3-smittySmitty taking a bow after being ejected for a summer scuffle. He will be greatly missed in 2016.

wk3-samEnjoy Sam Bradford’s textbook touchdown tosses while he’s still in one piece.

wk3-kirkQuick reminder to Redskins fans: When Kirk Cousins wasn’t completing 20-27 passes, he was doing this.

wk3-vickConvicted felon to soon-to-be suspended wide receiver. It’s gonna be a fun season in the Burgh.

Dwayne Bowe Continues to Troll Browns Fans

dwayne-bowe-brownsDwayne Bowe, who allegedly plays for the Cleveland Browns even though he hasn’t seen the practice field since August 5th, is a confident man. The Browns offense has looked abysmal thus far in the preseason, and “Top 5 Quarterback” Josh McCown’s two interceptions against Buffalo last Thursday night didn’t do much to ease fans’ concerns.

However, none of this bothers Bowe in the least. In a recent interview with the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Bowe uttered the following gem:

When Week 1 comes around, we’re going to show a lot of doubters how a high-powered offense really moves.”

Something tells me the likes of Brian Hartline, Andrew Hawkins, and Gary Barnidge aren’t instilling fear in defensive coordinators. Quick reminder: Bowe scored zero touchdowns last season and has 13 total scores since 2011. Probably not the best guy to be speaking about “high-powered” offenses.

Preseason Casualties

casualties-augustThe joy we all feel when the NFL returns every summer is bittersweet. The thrill of seeing our favorite team take to the field to begin its quest for glory is overshadowed by an impending sense of doom. A doom that comes in the form of injuries. Cracked bones, ripped ligaments, strained muscles, and bashed craniums are an inevitable and ghastly truth in football. The list of players to be sidelined for some or all of the 2015 season thus far includes:

  • Arian Foster
  • Shaun Suisham
  • Geno Smith (LOL)
  • Niles Paul
  • Kevin White
  • Phil Loadholt
  • E.J. Gaines
  • Demar Dotson
  • Louis Delmas
  • Kelvin Benjamin
  • Corey Peters
  • Mike Iupati
  • Adam Hayward

Then there are guys like Zach Ertz, LeSean McCoy, and Robert Griffin III who might be back for Week 1, or not. In the case of RG III, well, he had a rough night on Thursday against the Lions.


Did head coach (???) Jay Gruden pull his “starting” quarterback after the poor bastard absorbed these brutal shots? Of course not. Instead, he left Griffin out there to suffer a concussion and dinged shoulder. Well done, Jay Gruden.

Fourth-String Quarterback Scores Touchdown… World Rejoices

Okay, now I know why the NFL scheduled Colts-Eagles for a 1pm Sunday kickoff in Week 1 of the preseason. With apologies to the PGA Championship, there is zero competition for headlines. Which set the stage for Quarterback Jesus to deliver a sermon certain to captivate football writers from across the land.

tebow-1tebow-2tebow-3Don’t go changin’ NFL Network, CBS Sports, and ESPN!

Classic Trent Richardson

classic-trichPreseason NFL football is back! And so is human cinder block Trent Richardson. Now a member of the Oakland Raiders (LMAO), T-Rich’s sterling vision was on full display during Friday night’s game against the Rams. Notice how he shrewdly ignores the wide open path to the end zone and instead elects to power the ball into a wall of 300-pound men for a gritty one-yard gain. That shows toughness. If Richardson doesn’t embody all the Oakland Raiders represent, I don’t know who does.