Just like baggy jeans, Russian election interference, and Britney Spears’ psychosis, the Gulfman Fantasy Football League weekly recap is back. It’s been a while since my slightly elevated dick and fart jokes graced the pages of this…[checks notes]… BLOG? I’m fairly certain blogs have been put out to pasture alongside Apple Watches and sitting U.S. Presidents, but that won’t stop me from pointing and laughing at the nonstop silliness that is the National Football League.

If you’re fake offended by me taking the piss out of your pretend football team, sorry not sorry. I take joy in stomping on fragile egos and delicate fee-fees. 65 million years ago Stegosaurus was shitting in pools of volcanic lava, and 65 million years from now AI entities will be using human finger bones to stir their morning coffee. In the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters.

On that happy note, welcome to the 2024 Fantasy Football season, bitches! Let’s have some much-needed fun and frivolity, shall we?