Boomer ball is back! That’s right ground-and-pound fans, 2024 fantasy football has officially been commandeered by running backs. I initially thought this was an early season anomaly impacted by the glut of wide receiver injuries and newfangled defensive schemes designed to throttle passing, but I’m ready to wave the white flag of surrender.
Nine teams are averaging over 130 rushing yards per game, and seven of those nine are averaging over 150 yards per game, with the Ravens leading the way with 192 (WTF?!). To put that in perspective, Baltimore led the league in 2023 averaging “only” 156 yards per game.
Adding fuel to this blazing inferno, running backs are also stealing receiving yards at an increased rate. Here’s what RBs did in Week 9:
- Saquon Barkley – 199 total yards, 3 catches, 2 TDs
- Derrick Henry – 133 total yards, 1 catch, 2 TDs
- Devon Achane – 121 total yards, 8 catches, 2 TDs
- JK Dobbins – 105 total yards, 2 catches, 2 TDs
- Chase Brown – 157 total yards, 5 catches, 1 TD
- Alvin Kamara – 215 total yards, 6 catches, 0 TDs
- Chuba Hubbard – 72 total yards, 2 catches, 2 TDs
- Rico Dowdle – 107 total yards, 5 catches, 1 TD
- Joe Mixon – 106 total yards, 1 TD
- Tony Pollard – 154 total yards, 3 catches, 0 TDs
- James Conner – 119 total yards, 3 catches, 0 TDs
- Bijan Robinson – 145 total yards, 7 catches, 0 TDs
- Kareem Hunt – 117 total yards, 1 catch, 1 TD
Welcome back to 1979, when running backs ruled the NFL, gas prices were sky high, and inflation was out of control. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Weird.
Tommy Boy’s Team of the Week: Dreaded Wookilars
A huge win for the Wooks that keeps them alive in the playoff hunt. Josh Allen did Josh Allen things, and last-minute fill-in Austin Ekeler channeled the 2022 version of himself to help put the squad over the top. Head Coach Tommy Buko gave a rousing postgame speech, but was unavailable for comment because he passed out in the showers after shotgunning 36 PBRs.
Cool As Ice Player of the Week: Jaxon Smith-Njigba
7 catches, 180 yards, 2 TDs. Smith-Njigba torched the Rams (albeit in a losing effort) and brought honor to the the hyphenated last name community. Much better than Marquez Valdes-Scantling, who has brought nothing but shame to the hyphenated last name community.
We’re Not Worthy Rookie of the Week: Brock Bowers
5 catches, 45 yards, 1 TD. Considering Bowers has had to suffer through the three-headed beast of Gardner Minshew, Aidan O’Connell, and Desmond Ridder, it’s a minor miracle he’s been so good. Bowers leads all tight ends in receptions and yards. Sadly, he’s stuck on the Raiders, who will inevitably ruin his career by continuing to employ shitty quarterbacks and half-witted head coaches.
LOL Play of the Week/Year/Decade/Century/Millennium
In my 40 years of watching football, I can’t recall ever seeing a running back execute a sick spin move followed by a backwards hurdle. Walter Payton and Barry Sanders did some crazy shit in their day, but this is on another level.
It’s been a couple of weeks. Let’s look in on Giants fans to make sure they’re okay:
Goober of the Week: Jermaine Burton
Meet Jermaine Burton, Bengals rookie wide receiver and November cover boy for Immature Asshole magazine. Burton overslept and missed practice on Saturday. As punishment, the Bengals made him a healthy scratch for Sunday’s game against the Raiders. Giving zero fucks, Burton arrived at the stadium wearing his jammies and slippers. I’m sure that went over great with his teammates.
GTFO Catches of the Week (Year?)
#1 Garrett Wilson:
#2 DeVonta Smith:
#3 Drake London:
#4 Jahan Dotson:
#5 Demarcus Robinson:
Trade Alert: Mongo is a Cowboy!
Holy shit, what a move by the Cowboys! This guys knocks out horses!
Wait… I’m being told I have the name wrong. It’s Mingo not Mongo. Dallas acquired Panthers wide receiver Jonathan Mingo in exchange for a 4th round draft pick. He has 55 career receptions and… [checks notes]… 0 career touchdowns.
What’s Dak Prescott think about the trade?
Trade Alert: Mike Williams is a Steeler
From Aaron Rodgers to Russ Wilson. I’m not sure if that’s an upgrade or a downgrade.
The 20-Car Pileup Injury Report
Will it ever stop? No, no it won’t.
Dak Prescott – Hamstring, multiple weeks. Is he playing like trash? Yes. Does he deserve to be asked to drag this piss-poor coached and managed team through a lost season? No.
Caleb Williams – Ankle, day-to-day. Maybe remove your “generational quarterback” from a blowout loss so he doesn’t get hurt on the meaningless final play.
CeeDee Lamb – AC joint sprain, week-to-week. The hits keep on coming for Dem Boyz.
AJ Brown – Knee, day-to-day. The Eagles lie about injuries, so AJ probably misses the Dallas game so he’s ready for Washington on a short week.
Drake London – Hip, day-to-day. Hey Drake, stop doing falling headstands to celebrate touchdowns.
Chris Olave – Concussion, no timetable. That’s two concussions in less than a month. The Saints have lost 7 straight and just fired their head coach. Maybe Olave should sit the rest of this one out.
Zeke Elliott – Not All In, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Zeke has been washed since 2020, but it took the Cowboys until now to figure that out.
Aaron Rodgers Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Redacted
I had a real humdinger from Rodgers regarding the 2024 election results, but the feds swooped in and redacted the whole damn thing. Guess Rodgers hit a little too close to home. Welp, you’ll just have to take my word that it was a doozy:
Week 10 Gold Standard Matchup: Furry Beasts vs Blind Monkeys
Buckle up, kids. Running back power will be on full display as the Beasts’ Derrick Henry and Chuba Hubbard take on the Monkeys’ Aaron Jones and Kyren Williams. Playoff positioning is at stake, so every point counts. Can Cade Otton prove he wasn’t named after an Elmore Leonard character? Will Patty Mahomes injure another of his own wide receivers? All will be revealed in Week 10.
Pe mai târziu.
Stud Running Back 