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Week 7 Recap: Blue Monday

Posted on October 21, 2025 by Scott

About 5 minutes into the 4th quarter of the Giants-Broncos tilt on Sunday, I was prepared to declare Big Blue as a team on the rise. A team no longer the portrait of professional football ineptitude. A team no longer considered a perpetual punchline. A team no longer defined by asinine front office decisions and astounding coaching blunders. After all, they were about to defeat the defending Super Bowl champs and a stout Denver team in back-to-back weeks.

And then, well, they went full Giants.

Allowing 33 points in the 4th quarter seems bad because it is bad. Being the first team in 1602 games to lose when leading by 18+ points with 6 minutes remaining seems bad because it is bad. Missing 2 extra points in a 1-point game seems bad because it is bad.

You are what you are until you aren’t. And right now, the Giants are still a team that can’t get out of their own way. However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Jaxson Dart has some Josh Allen in him, Cam Skattebo is of a bygone era, and when healthy, Malik Nabers is a Top 5 receiver.

Moreover, it could be worse. They could be the Jets.

Big Ern McCracken’s Team of the Week: Lame Excuses

No flimsy justifications needed for the Lame ones in Week 7. They just flat out dominated the Monkeys, led by MVP frontrunner Patty Mahomes, OPOY frontrunner Johnathan Taylor, and back from injury CeeDee Lamb. The Excuses top the league in points scored and show no signs of slowing down. Rumor has it they enjoy humiliating opponents. I mean, REALLY enjoy it. Like in a disturbing way. One anonymous source describes them as a “team of sociopaths.” Uh, should I be scared?

The Boats and Hoes Player of the Week: DeVonta Smith

9 catches for 183 yards, 1 TD. I called out Jalen Hurts last week to figure it the fuck out and lo and behold, he did exactly that against the Vikings. AJ Brown could also be in this spot, but I’m going with Smitty because he’s easily the most undervalued wide receiver in football. The Slim Reaper set a career-high in yards, and even lobbied for moron Kevin Patullo to call the play that resulted in a 79-yard TD grab after identifying a tendency in the Vikings coverage. Shit, just make him Offensive Coordinator.

The I Live in a Van Down by the River Loser of the Week: Tua Tagovailoa

100 yards passing, 3 INTs, 3 fumbles, 1 benching. Tua’s 2025 cap number is $39 million. Next season that number balloons to $56 million, or 19% of the entire salary cap. His career record is 39-30 and he has zero playoff wins. He’s careless with the football, injury prone, and enjoys throwing teammates under the bus. Yeah, he’ll definitely be a Jet in 2026.

The I Love Him So Much Rookie of the Week: Quinshon Judkins

25 carries, 84 yards, 3 TDs. Wait, a Browns player did something right? Say it ain’t so. Oh, it be so. Judkins single-handedly shredded the pretty porpoises and is pretty much carrying the entire offense. Not bad for a dude who didn’t sign his rookie contract until the day before the season due to assault charges that were eventually dropped. In other words, according to Johnny Law, he’s not a piece of shit. However, he’s a Cleveland Brown, so he still might be a piece of shit. Stay tuned!

LOL Image of the Week

A) The Chiefs’ ‘we’re pissed for blowing the three-peat’ revenge tour took a few weeks to get rolling but it appears to be full steam ahead, so the rest of the league should probably look the fuck out.

B) Pete Carroll needs to wash his hands of the mess that are the Raiders and retire before he tarnishes his legacy. At the very least he needs to fire Chip Kelly. Chip Dip has ruined enough teams already.

The We Got a Bleeder Injury Report

Unfortunately, it looks like both the frank and beans got caught in the zipper this week.

Jayden Daniels – Hamstring, week-to-week. It was all puppy dogs and rainbows for Daniels last season. This season, not so much as the Commanders continue to slide down the standings in the NFC.

Bryce Young – High ankle sprain, at least 2 weeks. Fire up the Red Rifle for the suddenly red hot Panthers!

Michael Penix – Bruised foot, day-to-day. You don’t say?

Mike Evans – Broken collarbone + concussion, likely done for season. Damn. The Bucs might have worse injury luck than the 49ers.

Nico Collins – Concussion, week-to-week. Considering that Nico is the Texans only good offensive player, his loss is less than ideal (analysis).

Darren Waller – Strained pec, week-to-week. Now that he’s hurt, will Waller retire from football again only to unretire from rapping?

Kendre Miller – Torn ACL, OUT FOR SEASON. The Saints are by far the best of the shitty teams. So at least they got that going for them.

Hello, Old Friend

Aaron Rodgers was NOT happy getting tackled from behind by his 300 lb OT pic.twitter.com/lTA3XmXWYu
— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) October 17, 2025

Whoa, take it easy big fella. Celebrating is cool and everything but Rodgers is a geriatric whose bones have been severely weakened from years of injecting horse tranquilizers and ketamine. Also, I can’t believe it took me seven weeks before mentioning my favorite conspiracy theorist. Thankfully, I have atoned for this blatant miscarriage of justice.

Week 8 Gold Standard Matchup: Assassins vs Dogs

Both teams need a win to keep their dismal playoff chances alive. No Gibbs for Weiner, but Lamar should return from his bad hammy. Meanwhile, the Assassins will attempt to cobble together a lineup consisting of egregious busts and chronic underachievers. Who am I kidding, this matchup will be the equivalent of watching the 1994 Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl. If you know, you know.

Week 13 Recap: Wild Horses

Posted on December 3, 2024 by Scott

The 2024 Gulfman Fantasy League has officially come down to the wire. What’s in store for the final week of the regular season reminds me of the finish at the 2024 Kentucky Derby when Mystik Dan edged out Sierra Leone and Forever Young. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know, what’s the matter with you? Start watching the ponies you plebs!

Anyway, what we have here is 7 teams vying for 3 playoff spots, with a pair (Furry Beasts, Indiana SixPence) of 8-5 squads, four (Character Assassins, Weiner Dogs, Cycle Ninjas, Shouty’s Gang) 7-6 teams, and one (Blind Monkeys) at 6-7. I’m no Will Hunting so I’m not going to run through all the permutations but safe to say, you really want to win in Week 14 (analysis).

Even if you weren’t fully engaged in the weekly machinations, it turned out to be a helluva season. A season Gulfman would be proud of, which when all is said and done, is all that matters. So, even if you don’t end up advancing to the playoffs, give yourself a pat on the back for contributing to the fun.

Also, I’d like to offer a special thanks to everyone who read these haphazard recaps. Whether you found my ramblings mildly amusing or wholly pointless, I tip my hat to you. Especially Lericos, who had to put up with me constantly (and happily) disemboweling the bloated corpse of the Dallas Cowboys.

I’ll be in Vegas next Monday torching my life savings on Saquon MVP bets, so there won’t be a Week 14 recap. Good luck to those fighting for the playoffs. I’ll be back for a postseason review (unless I win MegaBucks and fuck off to Bora Bora).

Tommy Boy’s Team of the Week: Cycle Ninjas

The Ninjas blasted their way into playoff contention by blowing out the Lame ones by 58 points. Jayden did his best Josh Allen impression, Tyreke Hill finally woke up from a coma to post his best score since Week 1, and the Seattle defense had the pleasure of pick-sixing Aaron Rodgers. Next on the Ninjas hit list are the SixPence, who are rumored to be involved in human trafficking. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. That’s just what I’m hearing.

The Welcome to the Party, Pal Player of the Week: Russell Wilson

414 yards, 3 TDs. Is this 2020? Are we living in a simulation? Does the NFL actually script games? I have no explanation for Mr. Unlimited’s performance on Sunday. Wait, yes I do. He played the Bengals. Mystery solved.

We’re Not Worthy Rookie of the Week: Brock Bowers

10 catches, 140 yards, 1 TD. The dude has more receiving yards than Amon-Ra St. Brown and CeeDee Lamb. He’s the best tight end in football and he plays for the Raiders. Bowers is like a luxury mansion located in the Belmont neighborhood of Detroit.

LOL Image of the Week

Kirk Cousins’ the last 3 games: 0 TDs, 6 INTs, 4 fumbles, 7 sacks taken, 0-3 record. Unlike previous seasons, Cousins’ current meltdown has been gradual rather than immediate. Quick reminder, he will count for a fully guaranteed $40 million on next year’s salary cap and has a NO-TRADE clause in his contract. The Falcons are a hilariously horrendous franchise.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Goober of the Week: Jahmyr Gibbs

Gibbs decided to celebrate Detroit’s Thanksgiving day victory over the Bears by posting a picture of fellow running back Jermar Jefferson standing in front of a whiteboard that revealed the Lions protections and audibles. I’m not a coaching terminology expert, but this seems less than optimal. Either Gibbs devised an elaborate scheme to fool future opponents or he’s a moron. I’m leaning toward the latter.

Takedown of the Week: Derrick Henry

That would be 6’0″ 198 lb rookie Cooper DeJean piledriving 6’3″ 250 lb grown-ass-man Derrick Henry. In a word: textbook. You love to see it, unless you’re Derrick Henry. He probably wasn’t a fan.

The Hand the MVP to Josh Allen Play of the Week: Josh Allen

Gotta give credit to the Buffalo Bills social media team. This is spectacular. Yes, I’m fully aware that this play cements Josh Allen as the 2024 MVP. To my fellow Saquon truthers, it was fun while it lasted.

The Not Like This Injury Report

It’s time to pour one out for one of the greatest fantasy football players of all time… and some other guys I guess.

CMC – PCL, out for season. CMC’s season-ending injury seemed inevitable. He looked cooked since returning from an Achilles/calf injury, although did show some bounce in the Buffalo snow before exiting with a dreaded PCL injury. He turns 29 next June and has missed 35 games since 2020. I’m sure fantasy pundits will once again drink the Kool-Aid and talk themselves into ranking McCaffrey as a first-round pick in 2025. Don’t fall for their bullshit.

Jordan Mason – High ankle sprain, IR – The Super Bowl losing team hangover has struck hard yet again (see 2023 Eagles).

Trevor Lawrence – Concussion, unknown. Lawrence had no business playing on Sunday. But he did and suffered a brutal concussion as a result of a dirty hit that would make Chuck Cecil and Andre Waters smile.

Ladd McConkey – Knee, unknown. Jim Harbaugh says Ladd is “working through a couple of things” regarding his ailing knee. That’s coachspeak for “he’s not going to play this week but I’m going to lie cuz reasons.”

Taysom Hill – Knee, out for season. Two weeks after playing the game of his life, Taysom had his left knee obliterated by a low-hit cheap shot. Not great, Bob!

Dallas Goedert – Knee, week-to-week. I’m fairly certain it’s against league rules for Goedert, AJ Brown, and DeVonta Smith to be on the field at the same time. The moon will crash into the earth, or some such shit, if they are.

Aaron Rodgers Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Taylor Swift is a Martian

Brace for impact, folks. For the first time since I’ve been unearthing these conspiracy theories, I’m in lockstep with Rodgers. (Well, that’s not entirely true. Squirrels are for sure KGB spies but I digress.) Think about it, if a martian wanted to infiltrate human society what better identity could they assume than a semi-attractive international pop star? And of course, what better romantic partner could they select than a meathead football player employed by the best team in the NFL? It would also explain why “Taylor” dislikes Elon Musk so much. She’s terrified he’ll use SpaceX to colonize Mars and expose her duplicity. It’s so obvious!

Week 14 Gold Standard Matchup: All the games

Four of the six matchups carry playoff implications, which is how it should be. However, the last Bye Week of the season may prove to be a deciding factor in who secures a postseason berth. The following players will be riding their couches in Week 14: ARich, JT, Pittman, Rhamondre, Jayden, BRob, McLaurin, Lamar, King Henry, Bo Nix, Sutton, Nico, and Mixon.

Yeah, so this should be fun.

Week 11 Recap: Cat Scratch Fever

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Scott

I’ve been so preoccupied gleefully dunking on the Cowboys, Giants, and Jets that I’ve failed to recognize the juggernaut steamrolling the NFL known as the Detroit Lions. Well, it’s time to remedy this egregious oversight. The 2024 Lions are a thing, ya know, until they aren’t.

On Sunday, Detroit dropped 52 points for the second time this season in dismantling the flaccid Jags. They outgained them 645 to 170 — the third largest difference in total yards in NFL history, and the biggest since 1979. They also converted 38 (LOL) first downs.

A week removed from tossing 5 interceptions, Jared Goff threw for 412 yards and 4 touchdowns. In addition, ARSB scored a touchdown for the 8th straight game, Gibbs and Monty combined for 218 total yards and 3 scores, Jameson Williams caught 4 balls for 124 yards and a touchdown, and the defense held a broken Jags offense to 6 points.

The Lions lead the league in points scored and rank 4th in points allowed. After the refs fell asleep at the wheel and allowed the Chiefs to actually lose, the Lions are now the betting favorites to win the Super Bowl. Their upcoming schedule features games against Green Bay, Buffalo, San Francisco, and Minnesota, but it’s unlikely they’ll be underdogs in any of those matchups.

All that’s preventing the Lions from playing in February is some sort of epic collapse reserved for cursed teams that have never advanced to the Super Bowl. What are the odds of that happening?

Playoffs?!

Shutup, Jim Mora. We’re talking about playoffs whether you like it or not! Congratulations to Je Ne Saquon for capturing the Carolina Division and securing a playoff berth. After curbstomping their way through the season, they are the clear favorites to win it all, thanks to the fake MVP Lamar Jackson and the real MVP Saquon Barkley.

Tommy Boy’s Team of the Week: Schrodinger’s Draft

The worst team in the league dropped 208 points? Where the hell did this come from? It reminds me of last season when the Raiders decapitated the Chargers 63-21, prompting the Chargers to fire head coach Brandon Staley 12 hours later. If I were Brad, I’d turn off my phone and hide out in the team facility’s broom closet for a couple of days. They can’t fire you if they can’t find you.

Are You Not Entertained Player of the Week: Taysom Hill

Before the Saints-Browns game kicked off on Sunday, Taysom Hill grabbed a mic, walked to the 50-yard-line of the Superdome, removed his helmet, and uttered the following:

My name is Taysomus Shawnimus Hillius
Commander of the Armies of the NFC South
General of the Saints Legions
Loyal servant to the true head coach, Darren Rizzi
Father to a murdered season
Husband to a murdered franchise
And I will have my vengeance -- in this life or the next

Then he took the field and ran for 138 yards and 3 touchdowns, caught 8 passes for 50 yards, and for shits and giggles, committed two turnovers. If that doesn’t perfectly encapsulate the Taysom Experience, nothing does.

We’re Not Worthy Rookie of the Week: Bo Nix

28/33, 307 yards, 4 TDs.

Quarterback A: 2338 yards passing, 68.7% completion percentage, 10 TDs, 3 INTs, 482 yards rushing, 4 TDs
Quarterback B: 2275 yards passing, 65.5% completion percentage, 14 TDs, 6 INTs, 295 yards rushing, 4 TDs

Quarterback A has been crowned Rookie of the Year and hailed the greatest signal-caller since Patrick Mahomes. Quarterback B has been ignored by the pundits and ridiculed for being “too old” after spending five years in college.

Unlike narratives, numbers don’t lie.

Resurrection of the Week: Anthony Richardson

Left for dead three weeks ago, Anthony Richardson reclaimed his starting role and tossed for 272 yards and scored a trio of touchdowns on Sunday. He still fumbled twice (losing one), but it was more than enough to notch the win. That’s the good news. The bad news is he beat the laughingstock Jets. The even worse news is he plays the Lions next. Godspeed ARich.

Daniel Jones: 2019-2024

It is with a heavy heart and great sadness that I report the untimely benching of our dear quarterback calamity Daniel “Dimes” Jones. Excuse me, I need a minute…

Now that I’ve collected myself I’d like to bid a fond farewell to my absolute favorite first-round bust. Evidently Jones’ career record of 24-44-1 wasn’t good enough to keep his starting job. Adding insult to insult, he was also demoted to third string.

How can I go on? I’m so despondent, I’m not even sure I can continue writing this blog. It seems like only last week Jones was throwing horrific interceptions and missing wide open receivers. Oh, that was last week.

All I can do now is patiently wait until the Browns trade for Jones and sign him to a $200 million extension. Until that day arrives, I’ll always have this:

Rest easy, old friend. Your legacy lives on.

LOL Image of the Week

Bless the Giants. They just can’t get out of their own way. Here’s exclusive footage of DeVito arriving at Giants practice today:

LOL Image of the Week: Part Deux

Only nine days until Giants at Cowboys on Thanksgiving! LET’S FUCKIN’ GO!!!!

Goober of the Week: Evan McPherson

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, kickers have one job. And that job isn’t shanking two field goals in a primetime defeat that severely damages a team’s chances of making the playoffs. BAN. ALL. FOOTIES.

The Puppy Sliding Down a Rainbow Injury Report

Wait, what’s this? Two consecutive weeks with NO significant injuries? Praise the Fantasy Gods!

Darnell Mooney – Hamstring, week-to-week. If Mooney played for either the Chiefs or Chargers, he’d be a 1200-yard, 8 TD guy. Instead he’s had to suffer through garbage Bears quarterbacks and Kirk “Defcon 1” Cousins.

Alexander Mattison and Zamir White – I’ve been told these gentlemen are running backs for the Raiders, but I can neither confirm or deny.

George Kittle and Brock Purdy – Again, every 49er from now until the end of the season should be considered week-to-week.

Jake Ferguson – Concussion, week-to-week. Grab a lifeboat while you can, Jake. The ship is sinking fast.

Aaron Rodgers Conspiracy Theory of the Week: He’s Been Poisoned!

Aaron Rodgers has a simple explanation for his poor performance in 2024 and you guessed it, nefarious forces are to blame. Chatter out of the Jets locker room is that Rodgers has been telling anyone who will listen that either the CIA or a foreign intelligence agency poisoned him over a month ago in an effort to torpedo his season.

An inside source revealed a conversation between Rodgers and backup quarterback Tyrod Taylor in which Rodgers said the following: “Be ready, Ty. I think they got me, brother. By got me, I mean injected me with slow-acting poison. I could pass out or drop dead any minute. I dunno who ‘they’ are but I have a few ideas. But you gotta keep this between us. They might come for you next.”

Taylor left the conversation rolling his eyes and mouthing, “He’s insane.”

Week 11 Gold Standard Matchup: Indiana SixPence vs Weiner Dogs

Playoff spots are on the line as divisional play resumes to close out the Gulfman League regular season. Both squads must endure bye week blues with Bijan, Breece, Davante, Engram, and Chase Brown all unavailable. Oof. Aren’t bye weeks awesome? It’s not at all frustrating trying to replace half your roster in a week. Anyway, good luck with that, fellas.

Até a próxima vez.

Week 3 Recap: The Less I Know the Better

Posted on September 24, 2024 by Scott

I should’ve known the 2024 NFL season was veering into strange territory on opening night when Isiah Likely and Xavier Worthy (remember them?) were the standouts. Three short weeks later and the season has descended into utter chaos.

Sam Darnold leads the league in passing touchdowns. Jordan Mason and JK Dobbins rank second and third in rushing. Alec Pierce has more receiving yards than CeeDee Lamb. Dallas Goedert had more yards in Week 3 than Travis Kelce and Mark Andrews have combined on the season.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A cat and dog were playing together at the Giants-Browns game. Frank the rabbit from Donnie Darko was spotted on the Seahawks’ sidelines. A smoke monster was seen inside the Titans locker room. Chupacabras were selling gumbo at the Superdome. A UFO crashed outside Raymond James Stadium but the government and its media acolytes refuse to acknowledge the incident.

What does it all mean? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tommy Boy’s Team of the Week: Je Ne Saquon

A deadly ground assault led by Barkley and Taylor forged victory for the league’s lone unbeaten squad. Even the normally useless Kyle Pitts chipped in a couple of big catches to help seal the W. With rumors spreading across whisper networks that Je Ne Saquon is employing cybernetic organisms rather than human players, General Manager/Head Coach Walker Griffith remains unbothered. “I pay no attention to baseless accusations. The tears of my haters taste sweeter by the day,” Griffith said.

The Who the Fook is that Guy Player of the Week: Jauan Jennings

That’s right, folks. The guy who caught 11 passes for 175 yards and 3 touchdowns, good for 46.50 fantasy points, isn’t even rostered. Nobody had the foresight to pick him up? Even as a speculative stash? None of us?

We’ve brought collective shame on the Gulfman League.

As penance, whoever claims Jennings on waivers must start him next week. And we all must watch in horror as he scores 7.8 points, knowing full well that we missed out on his one and only worthwhile performance. This is what we deserve for our transgressions.

We’re Not Worthy Rookie of the Week: Malik Nabers

How good is Malik Nabers? So good that he’s going to single-handedly carry the Giants to enough wins to convince the moronic front office that Daniel Jones is still the guy to lead the team to Super Bowl glory.

Ground Chuck

Screw all this foo-foo passing garbage. Nobody wants high-flying shootouts featuring preppy quarterbacks and dainty wide receivers. We want bruising backs bowling over puny linebackers and anorexic defensive backs. We want tight ends throwing illegal chop blocks, not running routes. We want unathletic footies kicking six field goals. We want old school 13-9 slugfests that are over in two hours.

Hail, low scoring! Hail, the running back revolution! Hail, kickers for MVP! Who’s with me?!

Nobody?

Resurrection of the Week: Derrick Henry

Old man Henry looked like dust after two weeks. Then he went to Dallas. 174 total yards and 2 touchdowns later, and Henry was feeling pretty, pretty good. After the game, Jerry Jones was asked why he didn’t sign Henry in the offseason:

“We couldn’t afford Derrick Henry,” Jones said, laughing when asked “why not?” “I don’t know. Why can’t you buy a mansion when you live in a different kind of house? We couldn’t afford it. We can’t make that all fit. That’s as simple as that.”

Let’s look in on Cowboys fans:

LOL Image of the Week

On the right is Andy Dalton, the first quarterback to throw for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns in a game this season. On the left is Bryce Young, the 14-year-old middle school student who won a ‘Dress as a Member of Your Favorite NFL Team’ contest. Hold on, what this? Now I’m being told that Bryce Young is actually a professional quarterback who was selected #1 overall by the Carolina Panthers in the 2023 NFL Draft.

That can’t be right. I need a new research staff.

The Get Him a Body Bag Injury Report

I’m all for sweeping the leg, but these injuries are getting out of hand.

Justin Herbert – Day-to-day, sprained ankle. Is Herbie short for Herbert? Wait, so Herbie the Love Bug’s full name is Herbert the Love Bug? That’s awesome.

DeVonta Smith – Week-to-week, concussion. Whatever the fuck you do NFL officials, don’t call a penalty for a blatant cheap shot on a receiver whose forward momentum was clearly stopped. That would make way too much sense.

Adam Thielen – Placed on IR, hamstring. I thought Thielen retired in 2022. Then again, he plays for the Panthers, so he might as well be retired.

Sam LaPorta – Day-to-day, ankle. Sam LaPorta would be a great name for the head of the Teamsters. “Don’t piss off LaPorta. He’ll make your life a living hell.”

George Kittle – Week-to-week, hamstring. It’s obvious the 49ers made some sort of deal with Beelzebub last season, and now they’re paying the price.

Travis Kelce – Missing in Action. Turns out filming commercials, hosting game shows, and chasing international pop stars around the globe isn’t optimal preparation for playing pro football. Who knew?

Mark Andrews – Last seen in Week 2. Is 0.0 bad? Sounds bad.

Trey McBride – Week-to-week, concussion. Better Trey: Parker or Anastasio? I gotta go with Trey Parker. I mean, he created Cartman.

Aaron Rodgers’ Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Hurricanes are Controlled by Big Housing

A few years ago, as the story goes, Rodgers attended a wine and cheese reception at the DoubleTree in Appleton, Wisconsin. As the evening wound down, a sauced on Pinot Grigio and stuffed with smoked Gouda Rodgers cornered the Ladies Auxiliary and unleashed a inflammatory tirade condemning “Big Housing.”

According to anonymous witnesses, Rodgers posited that giant hurricane factories located beneath the ocean were used to wipe out beachfront communities in order to inflate property values and drive up the cost of new homes. When someone suggested that devastating storms might actually decrease property values, Rodgers waved his hand dismissively and scoffed, “You’re buried so deep inside the matrix you can’t see what’s right in front of you. Wake up, sheeple!”

Needless to say, the reception came to an abrupt end. However, much to the dismay of the beleaguered hotel staff, Rodgers kept ranting until well past midnight.

Week 4 Gold Standard Matchup of the Week: Ninjas vs Dogs

Strap in, kids. It’s a battle of rookie wide receivers as Marvin Harrison, Sr. Jr. goes head-to-head with Malik Nabers. The latter leads all wideouts in scoring while the former ranks 12th. Which of these neophytes will walk away with bragging rights? Will either play well enough to curtail the atomic wedgie and penis-drawn-on-face rookie hazing rituals? Stay tuned.

Slán go fóill.