You don’t have to be an Eagles fan, a Saquon Barkley fan, or even an NFL fan to appreciate what #26 is doing in 2024. Simply put, Barkley is the fantasy MVP and real life MVP, and it’s not even close.
Will cowardly sportswriters award Barkley the MVP? Of course not. A running back hasn’t won since Adrian Peterson in 2012. Instead, they’ll give it to Josh Allen, especially if he beats Detroit in a couple of weeks. Or Lamar Jackson if he “outplays” Barkley this Sunday when the Ravens face the Eagles.
Nevertheless, the numbers tell a story of pure domination. Against the Rams, Barkley set career highs in rushing yards (255) and scrimmage yards (302). By himself, he outgained the Rams, Giants (LOL), Patriots, Colts, Texans, 49ers, Seahawks, and Cardinals. He became only the sixth player in NFL history to have two 70-yard TDs and the first to do so in the second half.
Barkley’s 255 yards rushing on Sunday night were the most since the Chiefs’ Jamaal Charles ran for 259 against the Broncos in 2009. His 500 scrimmage yards the last two weeks are the most since Walter Payton’s 525 during a two-game span in 1977.
In the second half this season, Barkley has 920 rushing yards, a 7.9 YPC average, and seven touchdowns. He has 16 runs of at least 15 yards this year and 14 of them have been in the second half. There have been 18 runs of at least 55 yards in the second half across the league, and Barkley has FIVE of them.
Barkley leads the league in rushing with a career best 1392 yards. His 12 total touchdowns are only 4 fewer than the Giants have scored as a team. Only Barkley and Jim Brown 61 years ago have had 1300 rushing yards, a 6.2 YPC average, and 10 rushing TDs through 11 games. He also has 314 more rushing yards than any other running back in Eagles history after 11 games.
Barkley is on pace for 2,151 rushing yards and 2,548 scrimmage yards. If he gets there, both would be NFL records (with the benefit of one extra game). I could go on, but you get the point.
Let’s look in on Giants fans, shall we?
Tommy Boy’s Team of the Week: Furry Beasts
The Beasts moved one step closer to capturing the New York Division in taking down the Lame Ones. Tua Tagovailoa posted his best performance of the season and appears to be getting hot at the right time. After losing to Je Ne Saquon in Week 11, Head Coach Kim Deal locked the team inside a meat locker for 24 hours to make sure they got their minds right. When questioned about her extreme methods, Deal clapped back, “We mock what we don’t understand!”
The Say Hello To My Little Friend Player of the Week: Josh Jacobs
Listen, we all know the real POTW is Saquon, but Josh Jacobs deserves a little love too. Joining Saquon, Henry, and Mixon, Jacobs has proven that running backs do matter (at least in 2024). The Packer back bullied an injury-riddled Niners defense to the tune of 109 yards and 3 TDs. Leaving the shortbus Raiders for a franchise that actually knows what it’s doing is working out great for Jacobs. Go figure.
We’re Not Worthy Rookie of the Week: Jayden Daniels
275 yards passing, 2 TDs, 2 INTs. 74 yards rushing, 1 TD. Daniels tried his best to avoid being embarrassed at home, but pisspoor coaching and dogshit special teams proved too much to overcome. Damn, losing a duel to Cooper Rush has gotta sting.
LOL Image of the Week
Achane and Jonnu: 12 touchdowns. Tyreek and Waddle: 5 touchdowns. Exactly what we all thought back in August, right?
Goobers of the Week: The Cowboys and Commanders Special Teams
I could attempt to describe the absolute insanity that ensued at the end of the Cowboys-Commanders debacle, but mere words won’t do it justice. Plus, I’m lazy. Watch and enjoy (h/t Jackson Krueger Sports). Also, if you sat through this shitshow of a game from start to finish, you have my respect. But you’re sick in the head.
Nothing to See Here, Folks
Do I want to keep making fun of the Giants? Yes, yes I do. But even if I didn’t, they are leaving me no choice. If they stop being cannon fodder, I’ll lower my guns. Until such time, they are fair game.
By the way, my dream scenario is the Eagles sign Daniel Jones and start him Week 18 just so he and Saquon can destroy the Giants together. Then the circle will be complete.
The Aw Shit, Here We Go Again Injury Report
Just when you thought it was safe to feel good about your fake roster with the playoffs right around the corner, mayhem strikes again:
Gardner Minshew – Collarbone, done for season. Hard to believe investing in a journeyman backup quarterback turned out poorly for the Raiders.
Brock Purdy – Shoulder, week-to-week. He might be back this week or he could miss the rest of the season. Kyle Shanahan deserves every loss he gets for being a lying piece of shit when it comes to injuries.
JK Dobbins – Knee, unknown. There were some disturbing signs on Monday night that the Chargers might be resorting to their normal Chargers ways. Obviously a significant injury to Dobbins won’t help alleviate those concerns.
David Montgomery – Shoulder, day-to-day. C’mon, Monty. Do me a solid and sit Thanksgiving out. Enjoy some mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. Gibbs can handle the backfield without you, I promise.
Brian Robinson – Ankle, unknown. Solid running back, but damn he gets hurt (and shot) a lot.
Austin Ekeler – Concussion, week-to-week. The Commanders are running out of guys at the wrong time. Their once secure playoff spot is slipping away fast.
Josh Downs – Shoulder, week-to-week. Not being able to catch any of the 10 random passes that ARich completes per game will suck.
Romeo Doubs – Concussion, week-to-week. Are any of the Packers wide receivers actually good? Bueller? Frye?
Aaron Rodgers Conspiracy Theory of the Week: ????????????????
We take a break from our regularly scheduled shenanigans to bring you this harbinger of doom:
Hey, rest of the NFL. How many of you would like an egotistical, gaslighting fucktard to take a flamethrower to your franchise just so he can cling to what’s left of his shrinking relevance? Browns? Raiders? Giants? Do you really want to put your front office, coaches, players, and fan bases through 12 months of agonizing torture? If the answer is yes…
Week 13 Gold Standard Matchup: Shouty’s Gang vs Je Ne Saquon
The Gang will attempt to keep their playoff hopes alive in a rematch with the runaway freight train that is Je Ne Saquon. It’s Hurts vs Lamar, CMC vs Barkley, and Evans vs Irving. Weights will be lifted, laps will be run, PEDs will be injected. No excuses, no whining. Play like a champion or prepare to face a firing squad. Not a literal firing squad, although come to think of it, that would be excellent motivation.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Stud Running Back 